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when my pen runs dry, don't think i'll hesitate to use my blood
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| | Current Music: | comin' up from behind -marcy playground | | Subject: | your conquest | | Time: | 11:51 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/angry.gif) left wanting more |
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| it's inevitable.
it's predictable.
it's unstoppable(?)
years now and some thing's never change
trying to play it cool
while my heart twists itself up
a hangman's noose of veins and arteries
you have got no idea what you are really doing to me
when you do that to me
i slip into the routine of listening to others
all the while painfully aware of you
my skin trying to jump off of me and onto you
i tell myself
keep casual, be natural
in other words,
lie.
i should make you work for what you get from me
but i can't, i don't
because i want to give it to you
because i would give you so much more
and i don't want to lose the small part i play in your life
to anybody else
i take what i can get from you
brushes, glances
and i fight against the urge to ask for more
knowing you'll say no
i hide my secret here in the dark
in the dark where i know just how you feel
when you're under my hands,
and under my skin i hide my heart
you could find it, i'd let you look
and you could take a chance with it
just like i take a chance everytime i slip after you
into the dark
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so yeah, this is getting x-posted all over the place. if you like it, if you don't, if you have suggestions or comments, please let me know. | comments: Leave a comment   |
| La luna tiene mia magia
Il mare tiene mia speranza
Il tuono e il fulmine tengono mia passione
Le stelle tengono miei segreti
Le montange tengono mia forza
Ma miei occhi tengono mia onesta
E mia cuore tiene mie promesse
translation:
the moon keeps my magic
the sea keeps my hope
the thunder and the lightning keep my passion
the stars keep my secrets
the montains keep my strength
but my eyes keep my honesty
and my heart keeps my promises
this may be revised later. if so, i'll change it. if not, this is the final version! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | the pen is mightier -thom mccarthy | | Subject: | BOLD | | Time: | 10:16 pm | | Current Mood: | cynical |
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| I am the unrequited lover
Who eats men on the street with my eyes
Because I am not bold enough
To use my mouth
My heart flutters in the hazy dark
As my eyes catch yours in the firelight
Because I am not bold enough
I quickly become fixated on dancing flames
I wear my shirt collars around my neck
Afraid my IQ will drop if the cut does too
Because I am not bold enough
To show my body to anyone
I find a crowd to be a part of
Sticking close and following along
Because I am not bold enough
To risk exploring this world by myself
Even when he moves in to hug me
I make sure not to press too tight
Because I am not bold enough
To be foolish again
(wrote this a few months ago) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | he comes into my room unannounced to grab something his girlfriend left behind. i sit startled and shift in my seat, panicked that some of my skin may be exposed thanks to my previously relaxed pose. he takes no notice of my fear, grins at me in that lovesick (or high) way, and leaves just as quickly as he came. i feel awkward and endangered. Then i remember... he's seen me naked. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | closing time | | Subject: | sick day | | Time: | 07:02 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/confused.gif) confused |
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| i wake up with startling clarity
after nights on end of dreams
that shake me to my core
i can't forget the images
of you
and me
and our past
why?
i have someone
a boy to love me
but he's not here now
and you always seem to be around
near me
accidentally touching me
and my mind floods
you're no good
but you were great
and i can't seem to forget that
no good can come of this
i'll crack sooner or later
and i don't want to betray him
so forgive me for being cold
but if i don't
i'll break his heart
and one more night of passion is just not worth it. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| you found me
here
past all the lies and walls
you found me
next to you
i am not the same as you left me
and you are not the same either
we have grown
separately, but somehow together
after a year...
we still click
does that mean something?
this is all a coincidence...
what's the catch?
this is too good
but i don't really care as much as i think i should
because, really, i deserve this
this smile's been a long time coming
and you were the one to coax it from my lips
i'm so proud of you. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | vampires will never hurt you -mcr | | Subject: | the bitch is back | | Time: | 08:32 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/sad.gif) facing reality aka pessimistic |
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| so i'm looking around at my life.
i'm 17.
and i'm looking back on it for some answers.
scanning the photos and the lyics for some clue.
some sign.
i always believed in signs, you know.
but only in the ones i wanted to believe.
you know... that crap about fairytales and forever
i only believe the lies
go figure
this is all my fault
i know that
and despite my love of pain
it's the punishment i can't take
the looks of disappointment and hurt on others faces
that kills
i never meant to hurt anyone else
just me
these scars are my own
and in some sick way i'm proud of that
in some sick sick way
i'm feeling like a butterfly with only one wing
no matter how hard i try to fly away
i'm just spinning in circles on the ground
to the amusement of children
who will one day go into a cacoon
and become messed up social butterflies like me
oh what a wonderful world
i have no passion left
you sucked it dry
i sucked it dry
these words are soul-less
i know it and you know it
i'm writing shit for the world to see
and you know it
you wrinkle your nose at my attempt to cleanse myself
you don't even want to hear my voice... how could you read my words?
oh i know...
i don't have to know you read this
you can pretend you have no connection to me if you read
but listening implies you care
which you don't
how lovely
fill my heart with lead
throw me in the river
but i have no fear
because we only hurt the ones we love
with friends like this... who needs enemies? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| *cue the law and order theme song*
it was a dark night.
NYC alley.
one dead body.
and me.
*fast forward to court room scene*
i stand tall and defiant.
You can't break me.
i stare at the jury.
...'do it... i dare you'
my lawyer takes a nervous sip of water.
"We the jury, find the defendant..."
...'You can't break me.'
"Guilty."
"OFF WITH HER HEAD!"
*lights out, scream, all the bodies drop*
YOU CANNOT BREAK ME. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| these tears stain like blood
oh how i wish they were
then maybe you would stop
if this were blood streaming down my face
would you realize just how bad this hurts?
or would you keep going?
hell bent on revenge
i know you don't care
i know you hate me
but i wanted you to know
i don't hate you
i never said that.
and i never will. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | it's not a fashion statement, it's a fucking deathwish -mcr | | Subject: | red wine red wine red wine | | Time: | 08:48 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/thoughtful.gif) pensive |
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| "i love him more than anything, but we're like a wine bottle... i mean, maybe someday we'll be better than we were originally, but if not, if we never get the taste again, at least i can look back and say, 'oh, what a nice year...'"
~told that to a friend just now
"when you go, just know that i will remember you..." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| her hands are cold but she doesn't care
the world is slowly spinning in lopsided circles
music floating leisurely
wrapping itself around her
in and out
soothing strands of melody caress her smile
she's falling
falling
f
a
l
l
i
n
g
and she's loving it
not afraid of anything
just tumbling serenely
knowing that the moment will pass
the music will stop
but this moment
this fleeting moment
is worth it
this true smile
is worth it | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | to the end -mcr | | Subject: | who am i? | | Time: | 07:45 pm | | Current Mood: | tired |
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| I am the music.
Jazz
Rock n’ Roll
Hardcore
Classical
Indie
I am shapeless
But I am genuine
Flowing through existence
I am what you make me
I am only what you let me mean to you
Deep and comforting
Chaotic and annoying
I can be your everything
Or I can be nothing to you
You decide.
I am the cliché
The old soul
Wise beyond my years
Or, as I would like to say,
As mature as someone my age should be
Not what society has babied us down to
I am a furious girl
Raging against everything that ties me down
Or even threatens to
Rebel Without A Cause
James Dean
Jack Kerouac
Beat Poet of this lost generation
I’m not asking to be understood
I just want someone to listen
I am the words
Yours, mine, anonymous
I am more than one language
I am the personification of communication
And I’m trying so hard to just get through to you
Can you feel me?
I’m saying everything you were ever afraid to
Every word they told you not to say
Impolite and politically incorrect
I’m not apologizing
I’m staying true
And you don’t want to admit it
But a part of you likes this darkness
You don’t want to be me
Just wish you could get away with this
Pull it off and still sound cool
Collected
I’m not you know
Any of those things
But if you believe me
Then who’s to blame here?
It’s not a lie, it’s just a misunderstanding
No worries though, we’ve all made them
Lies or misunderstandings, that’s up to you…
I am the dream
Trying to make it in the waking world
Imagination and creativity
Ever changing and never just black and white
Battling from dawn to dusk just to stay alive
I am all the shooting stars you ever wished upon
Every childhood whim you let slip away
They live in me
I am raw potential
My time is coming
I can feel it
And when it comes
Get ready
I am a force to be reckoned with.
I am a girl
But I’m just one of the guys
I love and I hurt
All hidden behind sarcasm and quick wit
I’ll cut you down before you get the chance to hurt me
Unless I make the mistake and trust you
…Just a little bit jaded…
But I’m trying to change
I’m opening up again
While staying strong
I’m experiencing life with every fiber of my being
I am searching for something
I’ll take you with me as far as I can
I am a role model
I am a positive influence
I am proud of my accomplishments
I matter
I count
I’m living this life for me and me alone
I’m making my own mistakes
Molding myself
No compromises and no regrets
But it doesn’t really matter, I’ve found
That you know who I am
All that matters is that I know
So as a caterpillar I once knew asked…
Who are you? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | come home -placebo | | Time: | 06:20 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/opiummmm/foxies/happy.gif) chipper |
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mmhmm...
oh yeah everyone, hope your holidays are going well.
mine are.
writing will be up here soon, i've found a lot of my old stuff recently.
"all you need is love..." | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | military strongmen -jebediah | | Time: | 11:22 pm | | Current Mood: | bitchy |
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| don't make me use my words against you
it will be such an unfair fight
sharper than blades
you'll never see it coming
and i don't need another dead body on my hands.
i'm slitting throats with cynicism. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| There are only so many things I can tell you
I'm not insulted by the way you turn your face
Lessons I've learned you'll never hear
But if by some chance you do,
If you remember,
Keep this with you always
Marshmallows kiss you back when no one else will
The stars are there, even when you can't see them
Teddy bears listen to everything you say
Holding hands is always awesome
Sometimes laughter is the only way to keep from crying
Own one pair of jeans that makes you feel amazing everytime you wear them
Dance in your bedroom to no music in your underwear, you'll feel better
Pillows don't press charges when you punch them
And the most important thing I've ever learned
Love is like bungee jumping
If you don't just jump, you're not going to have any fun...
it's back... i can write again.
i feel renewed.
mmm... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | fiona apple | | Time: | 03:20 pm | | Current Mood: | sick |
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| "I want to see you broken down"
She sceamed into the night
Her lighter flashed for one split second
As the glass pane flew past
Your ghost,
back lit and beautiful,
Staring so desparately for release
I cannot save you
Not until I find a way to save myself
And these patches are not a sign of recovery
Black painted to your eyes
My tears obscure the sound of light
I cannot stand to see you so miserable on my account
Kill me swift and be fiercely bloody
Let me leave my mark
If it only be a stain on the pavement
Jack, come and claim your whore
White Chapel district in the dead of night
I am so used, so dirty
Stolen away by smoke filled kisses
Goodbye to smile of yesteryear
Innocence is a myth long since forgotten
Carve his fingerprints off my skin
Claw to flesh as fang to lip
I always was the masochist...
^it goes without saying that i still have writer's block. but i'm trying. i'm still writing shit, but i need to get it out, so yeah. there it is... | | comments: 2 comments or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | shimmy shimmy quarter turn -hellogoodbye | | Subject: | dammit | | Time: | 11:25 pm | | Current Mood: | aggravated |
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| i wrote my manifesto yesterday.
it sucked.
WRITER'S BLOCK!!! | | comments: Leave a comment |
| i just wanted to say
the leaves are changing brilliant colors
and you're not around.
i'm letting the smoke swirl around me as i listen to Glenn Miller
slow jazz and creeping time
you are not around.
the sun is spiraling down
horizon shining like a black eye
and you're still not around.
my street is growing cold
but when you touch it, you can still feel the warmth trying to seep though
yet you are not around.
i'm lonely here in the dark
the cliches are pouring from beneath my skin... blood red ink
and, surprise surprise, you're not around. | | comments: 3 comments or Leave a comment |
| they say old habits die hard, but when the habits in question are of the undead nature, what then?
vampiric love fueled by lust and previous heartache.
you were quite the tale
you will not be written off, however
legitmacy was always a big thing between us.
this cloth sucks up all the blood so easily
as if this puncture wound was nothing more than a figment of my imagination.
don't worry, black hides the stains best, and cold water gets it out anyway.
stab happy lovers seem to be a theme with me.
you control your temper, i'll control the jealousy.
life is nothing more than believing you are not dead.
blood... the only evidence.
so as i run low on the fuel of life
i place the penny in my mouth.
copper supplement, make me believe i am alive again.
a familiar taste, with even more familiar consequences... | | comments: Leave a comment |
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when my pen runs dry, don't think i'll hesitate to use my blood
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